Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
We spent this day at the hospital so we could continue to get time with Maisie. Apparently you can get out of dodge pretty quickly when you don’t have a C-Section. We didn’t do much this day. We simply took the little time we had to be together. But it was so wonderful to continue to just have that time where it was still only me, Ryan, and Maisie. We ended up needing to switch rooms mid-morning because all the labor rooms were full and someone else had just come in. So we transferred over to a post-partum room and spent the rest of the time there. It was good that we moved because the showers in the post-partum rooms are better than the giant birthing bath showers in the labor & delivery rooms. So, Ryan and I got cleaned up and took some more pictures with Maisie. One of Maisie’s eyes opened after I showered, which I was happy to see. I wanted to see her eye. It felt weird before thinking I would never see her open her eyes. Another small blessing. Overall though, even just after one night we started to see Maisie’s appearance diminish. Her earthly body… I should have captured her face more the previous evening! But I didn’t know… We were happy to have our great nurse Kim back from the first night. After Ryan and I got cleaned up, Kim got Maisie ready for her bath. It was kind of sad (the bath)… but it felt good to know we got to get her washed up a bit. Maisie’s skin had started to peel in places, so she felt so delicate, fragile, and had to be handled with care. In hindsight I wish I would have spent more time examining all of her body, but I was protective of her and wanted to keep her wrapped up in her cozy blankets so nothing else could disturb her body. Kim handled her with such care and we were grateful for her expertise. After Maisie’s bath we got some cute, classic baby photos. Pictures of her little butt up in the air, pictures of her feet, pictures of her having some tummy time, pictures of us holding her hands. We are so thankful Kim had some of these ideas up her sleeve. Another thing Covid prevented us from getting to do was being allowed a photographer. There are places that donate photography services in these situations. So we missed out. Luckily my phone camera is top notch and we still got a lot of great photos, but I cant help to feel we missed out on some other poses, or more pictures of her when she was in her prime. Things we didn’t know to do and didn’t think to do in the moment that someone who had the experience would have suggested. People told me to take a lot of photos. I did. I even took some selfies with her. And if you’re wondering, yes it did feel weird to smile and take photos with Maisie. We were distraught. But it felt even weirder to take pictures of us crying with her. Who poses for a picture crying? Besides for our memories we wanted to capture happiness too. The funeral home offered free transportation between the hours of 9am-4pm. So wanting to avoid an additional $300 charge, we asked if they could come as late as possible. Mackenzie was kind enough to give us all the way to 4pm before she came to take Maisie away. We laid her in a sweet box, all bundled up. Ryan and I were dreading the moment we had to send her away, but when time came it wasn’t as hard as we thought it would be. That is actually kind of a theme I noticed looking back on everything. We got through it all without each step being as difficult as we imagined. God’s peace guarded our hearts and minds through each step of the process. We also knew that right now we were still just saying goodbye until tomorrow, when we would bring our family to the funeral home to meet Maisie. With all of our belongings packed onto a cart, we proceeded down to the doors. We were leaving the hospital, going home without our baby. We got home. Lachlan hugged and held me so tight. He kept kissing me. I could tell he missed me, but he also had a sense something else was wrong. My mom and Maddie were there. Isla too obviously. The doorbell rang, and we were surprised & blessed to find our friend Heather quickly dropping off food, snacks, flowers, and magazines. I don’t really remember much of what else happened that evening. We got all our stuff in, and fell back into the roll of parents. #maisiemarthaofsthun Published 1/15/2021
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
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