The mail has brought us many kind cards and amazing surprises from those near and far. But we’ve also had to receive...
Certificate of Birth resulting in Stillbirth Hospital stay survey Insurance claim processing Summary of charges from funeral home Burial Plot Deeds Bill from hospital for birth Funeral Home survey More hospital bills!! Each time I get something like that it’s kind of like getting punched in the stomach. For a while, I couldn’t wait to get the mail because we have been blessed in many different ways by many different people. And that makes me happy. In these worst of times, I’ve seen the best of people. But now most all that remains is the business end of things... How I currently feel is angry plus a sick feeling in my tummy. We just got our biggest bill yet from this whole ordeal. I don’t mind paying the hospital bills when I get the grand prize to take home. 👶🏼 But coming home #emptyhanded and still having all the #birthbills just plainly sucks. Don’t get me wrong... I know I used services. I used resources. I had a hospital stay. I know you can’t exactly plan for medical bills. I purposely crossed out any info identifying info because these places are just doing their job. I owe it. I’ll pay it. But.... I. Don’t. Want. To. I would pay all I have to hold Maisie again. Instead all I’m left paying is bills to birth my dead baby.
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I’m very conscious of the fact that I don’t want to cause grief to people on social media. I don’t want to be “unfollowed” because my story is sad. When I share I hope you don’t feel burdened. I want to share a picture of Maisie every day because she’s my baby & I think about her almost constantly still. It would be okay if she was my newborn here to stay & grow. But death changes things. It’s sad. It sucks. You might not want to see or think about it. And it’s completely backwards that Maisie died “really quickly” as Isla put it one day. Her story is backwards, or fast-forward, or perfect since she got a straight shot to heaven. But allow me just a few more months to share our story. To share the few moments we had with our newborn. It won’t be forever. But it is my now and I only have so little to share because Maisie is frozen in a moment and there is nothing more to capture. I want to share to open the door for people to talk to me about this, I want to share for those who may have some questions about our story, I want to share my child - just like I share my Isla & Lachlan. #maisiemarthaofsthun
Saturday, December 19th, 2020
Today was our funeral for Maisie. We arrived around 9:30am so we could get situated. We had brought all of the things we had of Maisie to put out on display. Tiny hats, tiny diapers, blankets from the hospital, pictures, signs, guestbook, etc. After that display was set up, we admired flowers that had been delivered to the church for the funeral. So many surprises. We brought flowers that had been previously delivered to our house by Chris & Heather (our friends), Matt and Shelly (Chelsie’s aunt and uncle), and The Ringblom Pod (Chelsie’s private music class pod). At the church we were surprised with beautiful displays from Ryan’s mom and sister (a white cross of flowers), the Palmers (a family from our church), Christ Lutheran Church (the church Chelsie holds her music class in Maple Plain), Christine’s friends, and Leslie’s company. And of course then we got our final little look of Maisie. I requested her face to be delicately covered. So we just got a glimpse of her bottom of her dress and her amazing feet. Then she was closed up for good. Since we chose not to do any embalming, apparently there are rules that the casket must be closed to the public. Of course, this is what we wanted anyway too. And then the visitation went from 10am-11am. So many hugs and tears and “thank you for coming.” We were so blessed by all the support from everyone who came. I made sure I connected with everyone I saw come in, so if I happened to miss you – I’m so sorry! You must have snuck in. J Family gathered in a separate room for a small prayer service before we entered the sanctuary. Then, Ryan carried Maisie in in her little casket, and I carried Lachlan and held Isla’s hand. We processed in behind the cross and took our places in the front pews. I didn’t bring my purse in as I usually do in church, and Lachlan immediately was like – where are the snacks? So I had to run out with him right away while the first hymn was still being sung. Carine’s friend Carissa had offered to help with Lachlan during the service. As I went to put him in the nursery, out behind me ran several people offering to help. Carissa was among them so I dropped Lachlan and darted back in before the first hymn finished. Phew. I don’t know what ended up happening from there because later on I looked back and saw Lachlan cuddled up on Uncle Robbie’s shoulder. The service was beautiful. Ryan and I carried Maisie out at the end. I didn’t want anyone else to hold her in some of her final moments. That was my job as a parent. Selfishly, I didn’t want to give that to anyone else. Afterwards we chatted a bit longer with some people and then I started packing everything up. We had to get going to get to the cemetery for the interment. Once I packed up all the stuff we brought, I told family we had to get going. On to the next thing. Mackenzie had packed up a lot of stuff as well and was already on her way to get set up at the cemetery. We arrived to Mound Union Cemetery and walked over to the burial spot. Mackenzie had a table set up with Maisie, a flower arrangement we chose to leave outside with Maisie after the burial, and a single purple rose that would go on top of her coffin in the grave. We also chose to leave the cross of flowers there over Maisie, so that was set up beside the table as well. Pastor Krueger said some words… It was cold. There was no need to linger. We said our final goodbye and drove the few minutes it took to get home. #maisiemarthaofsthun Published 1/19/2021 Friday, December 18th, 2020
I’m not sure what we really did this day. It was our first day without somewhere to go or someone to see. I think I worked out getting pictures printed and sending Ryan to Walgreens to pick them up for the funeral. Oh, actually something did come up this day. I got a call from the doctor’s office that I had to come in to get another Rhogam shot. I have O- blood, so throughout all my pregnancies I have had to get this shot. It helps my body to not create antibodies against a baby in case they have a positive blood type, on the chance any blood is exchanged throughout pregnancy. I actually just got one at my 28-week appointment earlier that month. And we decided at the hospital after delivery that I didn’t need another one because that one would hopefully be sufficient. So I was confused why I now needed another one. I ended up calling my mom to see if she could come drive me to Waconia since I thought I probably shouldn’t go by myself. I went in and as I waited by the door to be let into the clinic I started having a bit of a panic attack. Here I was at the place where I had almost all my appointments throughout this pregnancy (and Lachlan’s). I didn’t think to wonder if I might have some PTSD, but now here I was fighting back tears, trying to breath through my mask, and a sudden sharp backache starting. I got let in, checked in, gave 2 presents to the front desk to be given to my midwives Shawn and Katelyn, and sat in the waiting room trying to control my pain and tears. After waiting a while the lady who let me in came up and said she was so sorry, she didn’t have any idea what I was going through, Shawn just told her when she brought the gift back, and said she would try to get me back into a room as soon as possible. More tears as I nodded ok. I got through the appointment (even though it took forever because I couldn’t find someone who could actually explain to me why I was getting this shot again – and ultimately Shawn ended up coming in and knew what to say). On our front step when my Mom and I arrived back was the first of many surprises to arrive to us by mail in remembrance of Maisie. We opened it up to find a ceramic angel holding up a baby as if sending baby to heaven. It was perfectly sweet, but we didn’t know who it came from because there was no note! (We later on found out it is from Ryan’s Uncle Jerry and Aunt Becky.) My mom headed back home and we must have had dinner and I think the kids requested that night to watch some Baby Yoda. They watched, but I couldn’t have told you what happened in the episode because my mind was still moving a million miles an hour. #maisiemarthaofsthun Published 1/19/2021 This was my first bad dream I had just 2 nights back from hospital. This was still before the funeral/burial had happened.
I was at the cemetery where we had got our plots and would be burying Maisie in a few days. I was trying to make sure Maisie’s face was covered as she was in an open casket outside. I wanted to protect her face & integrity since she didn’t look as beautiful as she once had as time went on... Then when I looked down at her she was alive and beautiful! And I scooped her up and ran to Ryan and said, “She’s alive!!” And as I looked down at her again, holding her out to show Ryan, she changed. Now I looked down & she looked just like how she did right when she came out. So lifeless. So dead. The complete opposition of what that moment of birth should be. Maisie Martha Ofsthun
December 14, 2020 | 4:21pm 2lbs 15.5in I have all the words, yet I still have no words. We lost our sweet baby girl just 2 months before she was supposed to join our family. She would have been perfect in every way, but managed to get herself in a bind with her umbilical cord. We will never stop loving you Maisie. Jesus got to hold you first and you have fallen asleep in Him, how amazing is that. Service information can be found here: https://www.hantge.com/obituaries/maisie-ofsthun/ Thursday, December 17th, 2020
On Thursday my Pastor Johnson came over so we could plan out the funeral service. Our goal for our time together would be to select the 3 readings and 3 hymns. Close to my heart had already been Psalm 139:13-14. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” I included that in the obituary I wrote up for Maisie. So we perfectly already had a Psalm for the service. Our old testament reading we picked came from Isaiah 25:6-9, we felt it was basically describing the party that heaven will be, followed by the declaration that God would swallow up death forever and wipe away tears from all faces! Our next reading was from 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 which we liked because it helped clarify that the dead in Christ will rise first, followed by those still alive, and we will meet the Lord together in the air! Those who have gone before us aren’t second-class passengers; they are in fact first class. Finally, Ryan throughout this time was really comforted by Mark 10:13-16 where Jesus says “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Now in regards to baptism, we weren’t able to baptize Maisie. You can’t just go around baptizing dead bodies thinking they will be saved; their soul is already gone. I told Pastor I was uneasy about this. I didn’t think God would let anything bad happen to Maisie, I know she is with Him. But I missed that assurance of baptism I was able to give my other kids when they were newborns. Pastor reassured me that God heard my prayers for Maisie, but I never prayed for her salvation! I just prayed for baby to grow big and strong and be born without any complications. I didn’t think to pray if she died that she would be saved! But Pastor reminded me that the Holy Spirit intercedes and prays for us on account of things we forget or don’t know to pray for. This gave me comfort. Plus, Pastor said, “Even if you didn’t pray for Maisie’s salvation, I did.” And of course God is a loving, just, and kind God. Maisie was protected. A week or so later too, I actually realized I did pray for Maisie to get to heaven each night as we said, “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. God bless: Mama, Dada, Isla, Lachlan, Baby, etc.”’ As far as hymns, we were in the Christmas season and “What Child is This?” had been in my head. So boom, that was our first pick. I realized later too another reason this was probably in my head is because it is the tune “Greensleeves”, which was part of our song collection in my Music Together class the previous semester. So it was a tune Maisie would have been very familiar with. We picked the other hymns from a list of hymns that are recommended for funerals. Pastor Johnson and I signing them out for Ryan to remember what they sounded like. “I am Jesus’ Little Lamb” seemed perfectly sweet for the funeral of a baby. We also picked “The Lord’s My Shepard, I’ll Not Want”. Another song that seemed simple and sweet ending with the phrase… And in God’s house forevermore my dwelling place shall be. Overall, it was a really pleasant time with to be with Pastor Johnson. We had been communicating with him throughout this entire process. But it was a special time filled with hope as we sifted through God’s word to create our service to remember Maisie and the hope she was given through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. #maisiemarthaofsthun Published 1/19/2021 Maisie Martha Ofsthun, daughter of Ryan and Chelsie Ofsthun, was born sleeping, already being held in the arms of Jesus before mom & dad got the chance to hold her for the first time on December 14, 2020. Though her family dearly misses the bright future Maisie would have had, they still had the chance to anticipate her life, hear her heartbeat, get pictures of her perfect little body via ultrasound, and feel all of her amazing movements in utero. She would have been perfect in every way, but managed to get herself in a bind with her umbilical cord. We cherish the moments we spent with Maisie as we got to admire all 2lbs and 15½in of her. We delighted in her long fingers, skis for feet, button nose, and resemblance to her siblings. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-14 Maisie is survived by her: Parents: Ryan and Chelsie Ofsthun of Mound, MN Siblings: Isla and Lachlan Grandparents: Todd and Christine Zitzlsperger, Leslie DuLac, Guy Ofsthun Aunts/Uncles: Carine (Eric) Troidl, Robbie Zitzlsperger, Maddie Zitzlsperger Maisie was stillborn, yet we rejoice that she was still born on December 14, 2020 at Ridgeview Medical Center in Waconia, Minnesota. Wednesday December 16th, 2020
You may be wondering, how come no one else has been in this story besides Ryan, Chelsie, Maisie, and the hospital staff? Well, stupid covid, that’s why. But it was beyond important to me that our family got the chance to meet Maisie. Especially Isla and Lachlan. I felt they needed to see baby to grasp fully the end of the story, and it wouldn’t have done them any favors for this all to just disappear as if nothing happened. Well, no one was allowed to come to the hospital. So we asked the funeral home if they would permit us to come the next day with our family so they could meet and hold Maisie – and the funeral home graciously agreed. Todd, Christine, Robbie, Maddie, Leslie, and Carine were able to join us at the funeral home in Norwood Young America. We all arrived around 10am and gathered in the front parlor. First, Ryan and I took our kids in to see Maisie lying in her cozy box, which could have looked like a little bassinet. Next we let the rest of the family come in to see. After everyone got his or her first look, I got Maisie out to hold. She was still bundled and cuddled in her comfy gown and cozy blankets and little hat. I went and sat down with her and showed everyone her big feet, her hands, etc. As time had continued to pass, Maisie’s appearance continued to decline. We chose to not do any sort of embalming. We wanted to keep her pure. But they did close her mouth, which was sad because now we couldn’t see her precious lips, and her chin was really tucked in. I lamented this was how our family had to meet her. When it was even that much harder to see past death’s deterioration. At this point, Isla was feeling sad & uncomfortable so she became withdrawn and only wanted dada to hold her. I showed Lachlan baby Maisie and he was so interested. He said her name so clearly and looked at her with no fear or confusion. Since Isla wasn’t in a state and get pictures… we handed Maisie off to family so they could each get their turn to say hello and goodbye. Finally we were able to convince Isla to sit down with us so we could get some family pictures. Isla and Lachlan looked lovingly upon their little sister. Lachlan kept wanting to “boop!” her nose! Isla held her head and gave her nose a “boop” too. Lachlan even wanted to hold the baby! So we let him hold her very carefully with a lot of guidance and structure. And overall I was presently surprised with how the children had no fear in this situation. Granted, Lachlan didn’t fully comprehend. But Isla did. And they were seeing death up close and personal at the ages of 4 and (nearly) 2. It was precious to have these few moments together as a family – a family of 5, a family that should have gone home together and continued to grow. Aftewards, Ryan and Chelsie stayed to plan all the logistics of the funeral with Mackenzie. Thankfully Carine offered to take our kids back to her house because they started to get really restless and it would have been hard to focus on the upcoming decisions with our kids running around or whining to be held or played with or fed. So Ryan and I stayed and planned a funeral for our child. Once that was complete, we headed towards Chaska to pick up our kids. We made a quick stop at Target on the way to pick up a picture frame to put up at the funeral. I chose to ride on one of the motorized wheelchairs at Target since walking long distances still made me pretty sore. Target was my first moment being out in public. It was odd being among people going about their daily lives, when all I wanted to do was scream to everyone, “My baby just died!!” We continued on our way, stopped by Carine’s, chatted a little big, then grabbed our kids and went home. Another day gone, God’s peace carried us through, we checked more to-do’s off the list, as we now inched our way to the funeral on Saturday. #maisiemarthaofsthun Published 1/16/2021 |
AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
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