Saturday December 12th I had a nagging thought in the back of my mind. “I don’t think I’ve felt baby move in a little while?” I can’t remember when. I just figured it had become so second nature I may have not noticed it. But I was pretty certain I didn’t feel baby move last night as I went to sleep. I went about my day with it being on my mind and paid extra special attention to my belly. Ryan was up north fishing, so I was on my own for the day with the kids. First, we recorded our Sunday School Christmas Video for the virtual Christmas program, then I took Isla and Lachlan to see Santa in Waconia. After lunch we went over to my parents for a craft day. I mentioned my concern to my mom later in the day… “It’s just troubling because I now know of two people who have lost a baby this year. At the beginning of the year we went to a funeral for a 34 week old baby and this summer I learned a friend from elementary school delivered at 20 weeks knowing their son had a fatal prognosis. It’s crazy this has happened to people I know,” I told her! Those families had been in my thoughts and prayers all year. I was so sad to know people I knew went through this tragedy. I had so much empathy for them, even though I wasn’t super closely connected to them. And it was really the first time I realized that babies could be lost outside of a miscarriage. But how could that happen to me? I wasn’t by any means thinking it would at this point… but it was a niggling thought to have during my pregnancy. A little after I mentioned this to my mom, she brought me into her room, laid me on the bed, and tried to listen to my belly. But we didn’t know what she should or should not expect to hear. So it was a futile exercise. Anyway, I figured when I laid down to bed that evening baby would move as normal and all my worries would go away. That was my plan.
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AuthorMother. Jesus Lover. Mourner of my stillborn Maisie Martha Ofsthun. Archives
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